Good on paper but…

To answer Mnwhr, in a roundabout way:

You asked if I was willing to wear the facade, if I could fake it.

I have to do more than that, I must become it. Or be on constant guard that my slip will show. Pun intended.

Men do not often know the inner world of women. Nor do I think most care. But why should they? As long as the gears are greased and production is smooth, no need to check the machinery.

I do not have the huge emotional reserves needed to carry on such a lie. I know that I need someone to care about me, but it is not particular. I would be silly to think that only one person can call 911, wipe my tears or bring me a bowl of soup. Any person of goodwill can (and will) surely aid me. Extend it to love-not only are there all kinds of love, but there is always a chance to love, even after the worst heartbreak.

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I have not spoken of LHS, because he still wants me to do something that I have no experience doing. He would like for me to be needy, not just need him.

That is something that I cannot sucessfully do. I do not even know how to begin. I can lie to start, read about it, then practice until I am proficient.  But it is only a role to be slipped off, discarded when the house lights go down.

I have hoped to meet a man that was able to see me as I am, and not hand me his past. I cannot solve the puzzles, fix the hurt, rig the game or stack the deck.

Mmmmmm….sigh.

My Dad told me he was going to make sure I had my own money, for things were changing and he doubted that i would be able to find a man to take care of me and our kids.( We are old school, we believe in marriage and a baby. Not just the baby.)

He understands the need for the sexual revolution but he said the aftereffects would be rough on the traditional kind of woman. Oh yeah.

I support all kinds of lifestyles but I would like to see the survival of the hunted beast-married to a man, and having the ability to be cared for as the caretaker of the home, him, and the babies.

It takes two incomes at times but often, it is the attitude that it is somehow weak of a man to care for his woman, that bugs me. That a real woman will work a 20 hour day, just because she can.

Umm, no. If it is about choice, then why is it so hard to have that one? It is not just the financial economy-it is the economy of the mind that reduces everyone to the value of what they can produce in dollars. Men are dollars, women are dollars with asses and tits to boot-there is nothing but that.

I know a few old-school dudes that feel like your wife is precious (not just your fellow dollar collector.) They are close to extinction, as well.

One told me that he does have to go off on some guys he knows periodically, who insist that he is deluded or wrong for wanting his wife to stay home with the kids. She can work, but he wants her to work on the kids. Like he said, he can get another job but he can’t just replace his kids and if they are screwed up, he is going to blame himself, not anyone else.

Now, I maybe a bluestocking, a smart-ass, a sexy bookworm and a few other things, but I do think that kids are important. A woman can work if she wants but she should not be seen as a milestone, if she is doing her job at home.

Yes, I have been forced to defend the rights of stay-at-home Moms to strangers in my daily rounds at times., just as I defend hookers, hippies, a few conservatives and stoners. Takes all kinds to make a strong society.

I knew as a teen that it was be rough, for the popular songs changed. Used to be a time when a player was glad to keep his woman looking good and sharp. Now even the criminals expect the gf’s, baby mommas, wives and so on to be out the door by 8a.m. to get to her job. That was the prime reason for wanting a “baller”, to get spoiled.

We are pervaded with misogyny in our world, along with hopelessness, cynicism and gold diggers. Yes some women are shiny-eyed , heartless gold diggers. (God loves them, too, before you say something mean.)

With this continued sexual revolution, I would like to see a economical parity for women, as well as the chance to be just as raunchy and hot as men are acting.

Until then I thank my Dad for not only providing me with money but the means (education, a brain ) and attitude ( wily, willing to work) to be able to make some for myself.

Kisses to you, Dad.

LHS told me something the other day.

He had broken up with the love of his life about 6 months ago. She called to say a few things.

With one eyebrow raised, I listened. I heard his bruised ego and his last bit of love for her.

After I made my nice and supportive comments, I asked him what was the purpose of telling me what happened.

He said that he wants me to know what is on his mind.

I asked if that changed anything.

He said it did not.

I paused, waiting. So did he.

With a soft sigh, I asked him what did he want to do now.

His smiling voice caressed my cheek, as he told me.

We will see.

I prefer for us to “do”, however.

Livvy, this is yours.

LHS and I had a talk about dancers and other sundry workers who receive compensation for their time.

He insisted that it takes a certain mindset to do that sort of stuff, because one has to toughen up to deal with the men who seek to purchase one’s services/time.

I asked him to eleborate.

He merely replied that it can’t be easy to have men treat one as a sex object that takes money, because most men are already shitty about women 1/2 the time and they really get antsy if they have to fork over money.

I replied that most men seem to love their cash more than anything else on earth. However, one can only be so grouchy if one is at the Kitty Kat Topless Lounge and Drink House, for it is a business. No one is at said Lounge just to hang out and entertain for free. The drinks have a price and so does the time and effort of Trixie, featured dancer of the night.

We meandered along that vein of convo for a bit and finally he pulled the age-old stereotype out of his hat.

Yes, that one. A girl either has to have past trauma, be really financially strapped or able to step outside of herself, for dealing with men for money is damaging to the psyche.

After a delicate cough, I asked him if he has personal experience. He replies that he did, and that sweet girl just had the ability to close herself off and get down to it, so she fared better than most. But it still affected her in small ways.

Like all women ( tongue in cheek) I then turned the convo to me. I asked him how did he feel that I am adamant about a man taking care of me, if he wants to be in my panties and intimately involved.

He said that was different than the other stuff we had been discussing. Plus, I would be a fool to let a man use and enjoy me without getting what I want in return. Why? Because a real man should look out for a woman that he calls his own.

I told him, yes I got that. But what if I were a different type of girl who did not just have a sugar daddy but went right for the dancing or escorting or straight up hooking, full speed ahead?

Not surprisingly, he said I am not ‘that way‘, it is not my nature. I may be spoiled but I am not a prostitute. Furthermore, I may be able to dance for a bit but it would be too hard for me, but that is about as far as I would go.

Because I am not “that way.”

I asked if he really believed that. Or was he just being anti-establishment and working on his “lover not a fighter” street cred.

He sounded puzzled but replied in the affirmative. He stood by his premise.

I sighed.

And we had the conversation again, with different wording. Same conclusions.

Oh my goodness.

{He is right, I am not that way. I am not sucking and slurping and twirling and twisting and doing whatever the heck a man asks me to do, whenever he asks it, because he gives me stuff. I mean, yeah, that is a bold attitude but if he doesn’t like it, there is another girl to be found.

I do not need my adoring lovers, I just will not tolerate their presence under false pretenses. I do not see the point in lying, acting other than how I feel. I know a bunch of woman who get a lot for not much activity. Some are wives and others are girlfriends who refuse to budge away from their baseline.

My baseline is that I will be respected. At times to maintain my respect, “no” has to be heard.

I do not feel superior to any woman- be she like me or not. I do feel that I have to live with myself and if I violate my standards, then what type of woman am I? }

Livvy was kind enough to list me as a person that she reads and enjoys.

Her comment that my archives read like a Bible for men who want to approach escorts made me go back and read them myself!

I just think it is common sense. I know that most men can get what they want, when they want it, for free. No effort, no kindness, just another willing soul ready to comply with their erotic cravings, always on the horizon.

I am not here for that, but I know they can get it easily. What I wish to do is remind women that everything has a price.

Men who cheat seem to take care of their wives but want freebie. Guess they paid at the pump already so now it is time for a free ride in another pussy vehicle.

Men who say they are in love generally treat the receipts of their affection with kindness. But they too, seem to think it is okay to treat the extra girl like she is a naked unpaid therapist. Unpaid therapy is not conducive to mental health.

Some men will happily go to a real-live hooker but refuse to treat a girlfriend with gifts, as sher is a “nice girl” and you know, independent. He wishes to respect her. Giving her money is demeaning because she is not you know like that- a whore or a gold digger.

I stand aside and watch this merry-go-round twirl. It spins by dizzyingly but few women are sane enough to let go and be thrown off  it.

Yes, it is insanity to be used. It is not cute, inspiring, moral, commendable or any another platitude that has been applied to a woman who puts out for free.

If one is not married, it is a freebie–not unless there are terms and conditions. That may irritate or anger some of you who read my words and I will not apologize for my view.

There is love but I have found that when there is love between and man and a woman, he often acts in a traditional, providing, caring sort of way. Review his past and she how sweet he was to the girl he loved. Then compare that to how he treats the ones he just screws. See a difference?

I refuse to do for free what hookers, escorts, , erotic chatters, dominas, web cam girls and porno queens get paid for.

Join me, won’t you?

Let go of the handlebars and let yourself be hurled off into reality. It hurts at first but then the burn goes away, to be replaced with a gentle and steady glow.

It feels so damn good.

You will find that you can close your eyes and get off on the feeling alone.

The feeling is the joy that comes from being respected and valued on your terms.

Believe it or not, I have received 3 serious marriage proposals so far.

Why have I not given in and let a man take care of me, in a way only husbands can?

My unwillingness to let compromising collapse into unceasing accommodation.

Did you think that he would just do all he could to please me, without expecting huge concessions on my part?

Thanks to Olivia, the most English and delicious courtesan, I must make a list.

In regards to my special friends:

I will be:

pleasant, discreet, kind, playful, affectionate, sensual, sexy, erotic and honest.

I don’t have:

time to waste; multiple pics of my naked ass to share; hours to chat online and patience for bullshit.

I won’t:

let you degrade me; stick your cock in my ass or roughly down my throat; indulge every fantasy you have; make a naked movie with you; shave my genitalia absolutely bare (lips only, please) ; beg, plead, argue, fight and lie to/for you.

I am pretty easy to get along with, don’t you think?

…go out dancing when I am worried or stressed out. The ability to drop my cares for a few hours in the swirling music and dim lights always eases my soul.

I made the mistake of taking a friend with me that has insecurity issues. If a woman does not dance with him, it gets all worked up. I told him there is not need to take it personally. But you know he did.

By the time I got finished, I was more tired and worried than when I went.  I had to soothe and massage his overly-sensitive feelings.

 Next time, I will leave his whiny ass at home.