Good on paper but…

..seem to matter. Being very good or bad.

As a woman, I have discovered that the good girl nor the bad really win.

It boils down to who you are.

You can be good and die without ever having a husband. And vice versa.

We all see people that are very much maladjusted, but they have a great spouse or steady lover/date.

We also see good and wholesome people that can’t get a decent date.

I think that men are looking for two things in the end. How needy a woman is or if he can save her.

They can see through the veils we hang up. They penetrate the facade.

A strong, thoughtful and independent woman can act as naughty or nice as she wants, but she still has that core. That sure and true essence that defines her.

Which causes some men to shy away and flinch.

Modern women are derided for not being old-fashioned enough, not ready to settle down and so forth.

I disagree. Many want to do so but they are not given the benefit of the doubt, or a second chance.

So how can they?

The old adage is that a whore can’t be turned into a housewife. But it goes on every day.

What about turning a nice, mature woman into a housewife?

I forgot. She is not needy. She will be okay.

She is strong, after all.

Have been away and now I am home.

But I have the flu.

I tell a neighbor not to come over, let me rest.

Sure enough, he comes over anyway and wakes me up.

Figures.

Now, I see that there are real actual reasons why wives are desperate, to use the term loosely.

They just need to be touched. Yes, touched, held, kissed. paid attention to and cherished.

According to the Time magazine article, that is.

I really enjoyed the part about men and visual stimulation:

But many women blame it on their physical appearance. Is that an issue?

Yes, and no. As I said before, sometimes guys are just overwhelmed, or they’re fatigued, or they’re drinking alcohol, which might lower their libido and their ability to function. So the “no” part is that it could have absolutely nothing to do with their wives.

But there’s a “yes” part, too, that I don’t want to overlook. I’ve gotten tons of e-mails and heard this many times from men in my practice, who say, “I love my wife. I want to stay married, but, I have to tell you, she has totally let herself go. She doesn’t eat well. She doesn’t exercise. All she ever wears is sweatpants. It makes me feel that she feels that the relationship isn’t important. I’ve just lost my attraction for her.” If [those wives] think there’s any chance at all that their looks may have something to do with the problem, rather than bemoan the fact that they think their husbands are shallow — I agree — they should also understand that attraction is a very basic, animalistic thing — especially for men. Men are more visually oriented when it comes to arousal. So women can debate that, but the truth is, if they really want their husbands be more interested in them, they should pay more attention to how they’re taking care of themselves physically.

The good doctor, err forgive me, clinical social worker, Ms. Weiner Davis wrote a book about this topic. The link is to a published interview.

I have two things to say:

-aren’t those women wearing sweatpants while they do their daily stripper aerobics workout?

-when will women stop watching these experts on the talk shows and give their men a BJ or whatever he needs to keep things going?

I say less chit-chat with the experts, more quickies with the man.

Just my spoiled bitchy sugar baby opinion.

On my way to spend some money on keeping my soft skin fragrant, catch you guys later.

-A

In light of my last post, I have noticed over the past few years the trendiness of what I like to call “dancer girl’[ culture.

About 6-7 years ago, the clear lucite shoe became an everyday accessory. Granted, they were not that tall, of course, but they were inspired by the ones strippers wear.

Then I saw women in the ones dancers do wear. There they were teeter-tottering around in big giant clear sparkly platforms at 3 in the afternoon, shopping. Which meant the the ones dancers wear had to get even taller.

I will guess that some of this was also driven by the hip-hop vids, as those girls are extra sexy and always look like they are ready to dance all night long. Fashion is driven by music and vice versa.

That filtered into my fav trend-stripper aerobics. A good workout, I will say. But by this, being sexy and seductive by the so-called marginalized and reviled group of bad girls has been made palatable and sold to the masses.

Along with the “girls only” sex toy party (  dildos are more fun than Tupperware) and other gimmicks touted as what is need to spice up a marriage or relationship, the line has been blurred.

I want to have clarity, definition.

I like the delineation between the categories. Mommies are sexy but they are not dancers. Wives and mistresses should not be virtually identical.  Escorts are not supposed to be the twin of one’s long-term fiancee. When a man wants a hooker, he should be able to find one, not just turn over and his girl slips on the guise of the week and pretends.

I only wondered when it was going to be time to stop. How much more are the women who are supposed to be in control( wives) going to have  to do to gain men’s attention? Are girlfriends now always on cattle call, displaying how many naughty girl skills they possess?

Moreover, what will the real pros do? They work hard at their craft, spend a lot of money to look the part and still have to deal with various social stigmas for their work. How much more will they be devalued?

Some will say that it can’t be tat hard to be a stripper. I doubt if it is easy to dance almost nude for strangers and talk to men that one may  cross the street to avoid.

Is every woman just  a trained performer-poised, waiting,-to be activated into whatever fantasy of the moment is in a man’s head? Do these wives and gf’s know when to say “no, I am not doing that. You need to go to the club, buddy.”

Certain people have certain roles they play. When I need a surgeon, I go get a real one, not ask a friend to read up on the basics and sharpen a scalpel.

Was catching up on reading. Came across this:

Be more like them or else.

Seems that in the end, more of us are in the same boat, than not.

Take note of the first comment. She was more on point than she guessed.

LHS told me something the other day.

He had broken up with the love of his life about 6 months ago. She called to say a few things.

With one eyebrow raised, I listened. I heard his bruised ego and his last bit of love for her.

After I made my nice and supportive comments, I asked him what was the purpose of telling me what happened.

He said that he wants me to know what is on his mind.

I asked if that changed anything.

He said it did not.

I paused, waiting. So did he.

With a soft sigh, I asked him what did he want to do now.

His smiling voice caressed my cheek, as he told me.

We will see.

I prefer for us to “do”, however.

Did not have time to post yesterday, as it was a busy but not-too-fucked-up day.

A friend calls and wants to know if I am going to the store. I do need some romaine and tomatoes, so I said, “sure, will meet you there”.

He decided to recap old news- he took a job that did not pay enough and had the good sense to find an excuse to bow out, before he was stuck. He felt obligated, because he got a referral from a friend.

The problem is that he had to give up his last month of unemployment to take the job. It did not pay very well and it was not exactly a good match for his skills. I and many others told him that he needed to be sure, because he could just keep looking ( he is in financial services, so it may take a bit longer but he has a degree, he can get a decent wage of about $18-21 in this jittery job market.) Plus, he had a few others offers on the table, so he was not on his way to homelessness.

But he is on his way to being a blockhead, as he took the position out of fear and not wanting to “let a friend down”.

But in the end, the friend was mad at him. He felt like he wasted his time.  And worst of all, unemployment cut him off. They did not care about his car trouble ( the official excuse), they just want to process his case and close it.

We have had the talk about what went wrong. How one does not act out of fear. And so on.

This has happened about 6 times over the past 10 days. He started up again at the market. Oh damn.

As I was gently caressing the ripest tomatoes I had seen in a few weeks, I turned around and told him to shut up, for he was fucking up my day and I could not rehash the past. Especially when he knew better than to make a decision such as he one he made.

Can you imagine why he seemed offended?

But at least it was quiet, hurt feelings or no.

As I mentioned, I need to change my blog title to clearly explain who and what i am.

Turns out i am good on paper but not always so good in reality. Good theory that just does not always translate exactly in applied practice.

The idea of me is tantalizing to some. But when I do not deliver on those fantasies, it is not so great. I am a tad stubborn.

I mentioned before that I have rules, limits and preferences.

I am so terrible, I am laughing, not even discouraged from being the self-centered wench that I am.

I need to see how much I can change, without having to re-do this entire blog.

I am still AH- Aneris Harmonia. The Academic Hooker.

I shall not change my initials to gee oh pee. Oh no! That is soooo not me.

Was watching a program about teen street girls who are forced into sexual slavery. That is what it is-kids trying to survive, predators getting a few bucks off their desperation, jackals sucking the youth from the marrow of their bones for a 15 buck BJ. (Or whatever they are getting. Last I saw on my local news, it was between $10-20.)

Friend calls, I mention it. Of course, he has the story of the woman who was young and abused but was able to shoot the guy who pimped her out. That was offered as the antidote to my mental virus that kids do not make rational decisions and once they are caught in fucked up situations, it is hard to get out, to reverse the behavior.

Teens are vulnerable and as one girl related her story, she answered my question on why she liked the guy who was pimping her–she said it was the first time anyone seemed to like her, care about her and show her some attention.

I do not think it is that easy for exploited woman to walk away; I doubt if they can see past the end of the night, let alone to escaping. Top that doubt and fear with drugs and a convoluted tangle of dread has settled over a child( yeah, 14 is a kid)

Although the  super feminists strongly say it is not true, I do believe that most women are going to take orders form men. Thus, they stay in a variety of bad situations. I imagine some of it is biology, some ruthless social conditioning. A huge part has to be shame. ( Feel free to apply that to all women who are in weird arrangements with men, no matter that their age. )  I think that part of the feminine principle is receptivity. That is what makes women so attractive the ability to listen, receive, emote.

It is easy for me, a loved cared for, spoiled educated woman to hold her hands against her chest in shock and think ” why don’t the run?”  Run where? The family of origin does not want them,  they may be involved in drugs, people shun them as dirty and ruined, and last but not least, the law has a hared approach to them. nteens have to fit very limited circumstances if they are busted hooking in most states, to be treated as victims and not whores who should be ’sanctioned’.

A child spoke of how she got so tired,-so weary-of yet another man touching her, climbing onto her body, using her for sex. I could her her pain in her voice.

So, I sat there, saddened. Soul murder goes on everyday, Here, in private rooms , on street corners, in cars and parks. dark corners. There, the brothels across the world. And any other place where women can pay as little as a few bucks for something that a girl will not be able to forget.

However, in another chair, somewhere, another person say there and watched as well.And decided that those girls just are not trying hard enough to break free.

I argued with one, the friend on the phone and got his to see that it is not easy for those girls to flee.

What of the others, who were not challenged?

Will they look at a teen prostitute with pity, or with smug unexamined satisfaction?

Dear readers and cherished e-friends,

Please join me in establishing a jolly and reoccurring event called “what the fuck Wednesday (WTFW).”

I will start off with a quick and dirty story. Please shake your heads in sympathy once you have read of tale of horror.

Early this morning, phone rings. It is a unhappy gentleman whom was unceremoniously dumped by me. He CLAIMS he misses me. Yeah, sure.

The point of his untimely call was that he wanted me to get up, talk with him and show him my luscious body via webcam. The webcam is the bane of my existence, let me say that now. I really hate that thing. One-eyed intrusive goblin monster beast, it is.

Cracking open one eye, I snorted with derision. I dumped him last month because he made to many demands on my time, not because I needed extra sleep. Money does buy one good eye cream and restorative time at the spa.

” Please,” he said. As if that word matters once the affair is over.

I was feeling naughty, so I asked him how much money he would give me for dragging myself from my warm and toasty bed.

He earnestly said he would give me what ever I wanted.

I sighed, as my eyes began to gently close. I murmured one word: five.

He was quiet for a beat then he said okay, no problem.

( I was not getting up, as you have surmised, so anything I said contrary to that fact was pure bullshit.)

“Give me the money now.”

” I have to transfer it to you. It will take a minute.”

“No, that is not it. I have to wait for processing. You want to look at me now, then you need to fork over the cash now.”

” I can’t! I mean, I have to go to work and this is why I am calling so early. C’mon, please.”

“Nope.”

“You know I will!!!” (His voice rising in desperation)

“Then do it now, and I will let you feat your eyes upon my ass after I see the deposit.”

“But that will take a least a few hours! You know I am good for it, Please!!!! I have to get going soon!!!”

“Then you had better call someone else, because I am not your webcam girl.”

“Aww, baby! Why are you doing this to me?? You know I miss you. I have not been right since you left me.”

“Do not call me anymore. I told you, I am no longer fooling around with you.”

“But baby, wait, I–”

Yes, dear ones, I hung up the fucking phone.

When I am done…I am done. Fini.

I went through too much of that weird” short on time, not much time, running late , can I see you, can I talk to you right now” shit back when we where dating. I do not need him, no matter how much I like his money ( and he has a lot, let me say it now. Sigh…memories)

Anyway, he started off my Wed by fucking it up. I went to sleep with the soft and erotic voice of LHS in my ear, and I was jarred out of a restful sleep by an ex who is too silly to realize I am the same stubborn bitch I was the last time he spoke to me.

Tell me, who fucked up your Wednesday, past or present?

XXXOXXXO,

AH